SUU Cross Country/Track

February 2019

Previous MonthRecent EntriesHomeJoin Fast Running Blog Community!PredictorHealthy RecipesSarah!'s RacesFind BlogsMileage BoardTop Ten Excuses for Missing a RunTop Ten Training MistakesDiscussion ForumRace Reports Send A Private MessageWeek View
Graph View
Next Month
JanFebMarAprMayJunJulAugSepOctNovDec
201120122013201420152016201720182019
15% off for Fast Running Blog members at St. George Running Center!

Location:

Cedar City,UT,

Member Since:

Jun 21, 2011

Gender:

Female

Goal Type:

NCAA Champ

Running Accomplishments:

High School

800m-2:23.47 (Pine View Invitational)

1600m-5:12.39 (Pine View Invitational)

1 Mile- 5:12.97 (Arcadia Invitational-5:10 1600m split)

3200m-11:08.34-altitude (Utah 4A State Championships), 11:03.68-sea level (Arcadia Invitational)

XC 3 mile- 18:42

XC 5k- 19:37

College

XC 5k- 19:00 (UNLV Invite 2015)

XC 6k- 22:25 (UC Riverside 2015 - 17:55 3 mile split)

1 mile- 5:39 (Weber State Indoor 2019)

Local Road Races

5k- 18:40

10k-41:31

15k-1:03:55

Other fun ones

13.1 miles (during a run, I hope to race a half eventually): 1:38:00

Longest run: 18.5 miles

Most miles in one day: 22

Highest mileage week: 80

Longest bike ride: 32.5 miles

SUU workouts

60% (5 miles): 32:32 (6:30 average - 18:44 3 mile split)

80% (3 miles): 18:52 (6:17 average)

5x500s: 96 (76 400 split) average

16x400s: 82.0 average

20x400s: 82.6 average

Progression run: 2 progressions, 3 laps

Road Race 2015 (3.9 miles): 23:30 (6:02 average)

6 minute test: 1688 meters (first/only attempt)

Short-Term Running Goals:

Core every day

Take pulse every morning/record hours of sleep

Improve off of my high school times

17:45 5k

5:10 mile

Long-Term Running Goals:

17:00 5k

5:00 Mile

Go to Nationals

Run a marathon (after college)

Personal:

Junior at SUU majoring in Exercise Science and minoring in Psychology. Served a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Independence, Missouri

Favorite Blogs:

Miles:This week: 0.00 Month: 46.41 Year: 371.51
Adidas Adizero Boston 6 Lifetime Miles: 551.05
Adidas Boston 6 II Lifetime Miles: 607.21
Adidas Boston 6 III Lifetime Miles: 477.75
Adidas Boston 6 IV Lifetime Miles: 410.47
Adidas Boston 6 V Lifetime Miles: 474.41
Adidas Boston 6 VI Lifetime Miles: 371.34
Adidas Distancestar Spikes Lifetime Miles: 3.00
Adidas Boston 6 VII Lifetime Miles: 215.41
Total Distance
129.80
Adidas Boston 6 VII Miles: 129.80
Night Sleep Time: 113.00Nap Time: 20.00Total Sleep Time: 133.00
Total Distance
7.00

I was surprised by how I felt today. Not that sore, my legs are just a little heavy. Much better than I was expecting!

Today’s workout was a 60% and this was hands down the best 60 I’ve done. I don’t know what it was but I felt so smooth and relaxed. Coach said at the beginning that I was technically in my own group with a goal pace of 6:35-7:00, but I could try to keep up with the group if I wanted. I was kind of relieved to have a slower range because I didn’t worry about hitting pace or having a hard standard to hit, I knew I could hit within the range and with it being slower I wouldn’t have to stress if I was hitting slower especially since it’s the last day of speed/effort. But I determined to stay with the group for as long as I could. It was a small group today. It ended up being just Madison, Haley and I to go the full 5. I kept up until about 3.5 miles in, then I got the worst stomach cramps in the world. And it was a windy last mile +. And I started thinking too much about how I felt, lost my rhythm. I need to work on strength.

My first 3 miles were faster than my 80% earlier this week... haha. Splits were:

6:15, 12:30 (6:15), 18:44 (6:14), 25:13 (6:29), 32:32 (7:19). Averages out at 6:30

Yeah my last mile sucked but I’m super happy about the first 4. Coach asked me if I’ve been sandbagging it this whole time haha :) the first 4 miles were faster than I ran the road race in at the beginning of Cross.

I hopped in coach’s car right after instead of doing some cool down with Haley and Madison because my stomach hurt so bad. My body hated me for pushing it hard for so long haha. After a bathroom break back at the track I did a mile of cool down that was still a struggle haha. I guess that’s just an indication I worked hard :) lol

Hip rehab, rolled out, worked on activating my VMO some. Stretched out then called it a day

HR 58

Adidas Boston 6 VII Miles: 7.00
Night Sleep Time: 6.50Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 6.50
Add Comment
Total Distance
8.00

Easy run, 7:58 average. I’m pretty worn out from this week and it was nice to relax. Super windy this morning. The last mile was a struggle. My throat is a little sore, I hope I’m not getting sick.

Adidas Boston 6 VII Miles: 8.00
Night Sleep Time: 8.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 8.00
Comments(1)
Total Distance
5.75

Bad depression day. Not for any good reason. Struggled to do life like normal, missed my classes and weights and a banquet because I couldn’t summon the willpower to go. But I managed to go to work, go for a run (practice was on our own today), and do a few small things around the house. It’s the tiny victories that count sometimes.

I’m sick and getting sicker. Had bad period cramps today, too. Did Dikes + Canyon from my house and called it at 5.75 because my lungs and throat hurt.

Had my biweekly meeting with Coach. He’s happy with the direction I’m heading. Said I’m not quite there yet but I’m “not falling off the backend either.” I guess that’s improvement from the summer. 

Elizabeth Smart came to SUU. What horror she endured, she’s inspiring. I liked how she focused on moving on from the trauma and not allowing it to take away more of her life. What a strong woman. 

Found out right after that meeting that my old YW president passed away today. Nancy did so much for me. Nancy was kind of like my second mom for a few years. At least she’s not suffering anymore. She was an amazing woman.

Hard day. 

Adidas Boston 6 VII Miles: 5.75
Night Sleep Time: 7.00Nap Time: 2.00Total Sleep Time: 9.00
Comments(1)
Total Distance
0.00

HR was 80 this morning. I’m not feeling well today, headache, congested, beginnings of a cough, backache, sore throat. Paul said it’s a good idea to take today off and rest, so that’s what I’ll be doing. No running

Night Sleep Time: 6.50Nap Time: 4.00Total Sleep Time: 10.50
Add Comment
Total Distance
4.25

HR still high at 71. I don’t feel as fatigued as yesterday though. Body aches are mostly gone. Throat is still a bit sore. My sinuses have cleared and my headache is pretty much gone, so overall much better than yesterday. Slightly worried about running because I know it’s going to kill my throat and chest, and I have a slight cough that can be painful, but I’ll see how it feels. 

It was so cold today, and there’s so much snow we were running in the road. Kinda sketchy. I stopped for a sec about .25 in to retie my leggings cause they were falling down, unfortunately that meant I either had to catch up to the group or run alone the rest of the way. I tried for maybe .15 to catch up then said screw it and slowed. I wasn’t feeling good enough to go 7:00 pace or under just yet, even for a quarter. Got to Main and my lungs/throat weren’t having it, I could either flip and go back the same way or try Main. I went for Main because I knew I could just take the second road that goes alongside it for a while and be out of the street, then depending on how far the snow was plowed I’d finish Main or go down 300 W or another side street. It was sketchy. Wouldn’t recommend. Definitely took 300 W, plus I wouldn’t have lasted 5.5 miles. My head started pounding after 3ish miles and I was coughing sporadically, felt like I was going to cough up a lung. Luckily it’s not phlemy. Went into the training room and coughing got worse, couldn’t stop, asked Drew for a cough drop. After a minute or so I was fine. Rolled out then asked Drew what he wanted me to for rehab, he told me I could go home and rest if I felt that would be better. Texted Paul because technically we have weights today, he said I should go home and not to worry about making it up later in the week (I felt bad especially since I’d also missed Monday’s weights), and to just rest. So that’s what I’m going to do right now, now that I’ve gotten dinner and showered etc. I’m exhausted.

7:57 average.

I’m pretty sure I have the flu. Had a dangerously high fever tonight of 104.9. No wonder I felt so hot haha. Now I feel bad for going to practice, I hope no one else gets sick

Adidas Boston 6 VII Miles: 4.25
Night Sleep Time: 8.00Nap Time: 2.00Total Sleep Time: 10.00
Add Comment
Total Distance
0.00

Holy crap. I’m shocked at how quickly my fever went away. I started to feel warm last night around 8pm, thought it was just because I was huddled up in blankets. Asked Madison if I felt warm, she said maybe a little bit, I thought mmm I’m probably fine. I’ve had false alarms before where I’m only warm because of being in bed. But then I started feeling really warm around 9, my cheeks and lips were burning. But my body was cold, only felt good when under blankets. Started asking around for a thermometer because I didn’t have one, my roommate from last year had one and brought it over around 10. She’s so kind. Turns out I had a fever of 104.9. Paul said I should go to the emergency room ASAP, that really wasn’t good. I called my mom because, you know, a trip to the emergency room is expensive. She said if I could get it to drop below 102, I could wait for a clinic in the morning. Took ibuprofen, my neighbor came over at 10:30 and gave me a priesthood blessing, and right after that my fever had dropped to 100.7. By 11:30 I was back to 98.5. What a miracle. And this morning I’m still normal. I feel so much better. 

Paul said not to run today. One more day will go a long ways

HR 49

Night Sleep Time: 10.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 10.00
Comments(1)
Total Distance
8.50

Drove up to Salt Lake for Nancy’s funeral tomorrow. I’m feeling so much better than before, fever is gone, chills, body aches, and headache are gone and my appetite is back. I just have the remnants of a sore throat and cough. I’m pretty exhausted and have been for most of the day but I’ll go to bed early tonight. 

Did Shriner’s run and VA loop in Salt Lake, got up on 11th Avenue at the perfect time to see the view of the valley and sunset. It was gorgeous. 7:33 average.

HR 51

Adidas Boston 6 VII Miles: 8.50
Night Sleep Time: 8.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 8.00
Comments(1)
Total Distance
6.00

I never knew how great an impact a person can have on the world until I met Nancy. Nancy was the kind of person that made you feel like her favorite every time you talked to her. She had a special ability to love everyone and make them feel loved. It wasn’t anything specific that Nancy did for me that showed me she cared, it was the way she lived her life, how she taught me in church, how she checked up on me and congratulated me on things I was too shy or embarrassed to say in good news minute of YW (things my friends always pointed out for me), how she’d seem genuinely upset that I never spoke up and told her the good things happening in my life (she was one of the ones that helped me to come out of my shell), how she always made me feel loved despite my intense insecurities. It was her support for me at times I needed it most. She took in my brother when he was struggling to live at home, when my parents knew it was time for him to have some space from the family and cool out (he has major anxiety, depression and bipolar disorders, as well as occasional rages that would turn violent if escalated). She cared and loved him like he was her own son. She made it possible for him to continue and graduate high school and provided a service to my parents that meant our whole family’s world. She loved and cared for me in ways I can’t even explain, she taught me lessons that I’ve carried with me throughout my life that have shaped who I am today. Even though she wasn’t my mom, in those critical years of high school she was the third guardian, a living angel, that I needed. Her kindness, her example, her laughter, her fun energy, her strong faith in Jesus Christ, her focus on others rather than herself, her ability to focus on the positive in every situation and turn a trial into a positive learning experience every single time, all of it left its mark on those who knew her. She was truly one of the most amazing women I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. 

7:52 average. HR 48

Adidas Boston 6 VII Miles: 6.00
Night Sleep Time: 8.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 8.00
Comments(1)
Total Distance
0.00

HR 52

Night Sleep Time: 8.00Nap Time: 6.00Total Sleep Time: 14.00
Add Comment
Total Distance
6.25

Today felt harder than it should’ve, but that’s probably because of the time I took off last week. Plus it was icy from the storm this weekend. Haha, as coach put it, it’s February so don’t worry about the weather, it’ll always be cold and snowy. Then in March the snow disappears and is replaced with 100 mph winds! Haha it was pretty funny, and kinda true lol. We did Dikes today, 7:42 average. Then rolled out, weights, and knee/hip/quad rehab. I still feel pretty tired, I’m like but why?? I’m better aren’t I? But then I realized I’m just impatient and want to be back to normal right now, and it’s ok if my body hasn’t fully recovered. I got better relatively quick for having the flu, I suppose it would make sense that I still feel exhausted. I’m ready for bed and it’s only 6:30. But I have homework to do :/

Other than feeling tired I’m almost completely better. Still have a lingering cough and a slight sore throat but much improved from last week.

HR 54

Adidas Boston 6 VII Miles: 6.25
Night Sleep Time: 7.00Nap Time: 1.00Total Sleep Time: 8.00
Add Comment
Total Distance
3.00

I am overly exhausted. I still feel so tired after 12 hours of sleep, went to bed pretty early last night. 

Took a 2 hr nap, I was still really tired and struggled to get up for practice (my alarm went off and I kinda just wanted to keep sleeping) but I forced myself to get up. Coach said to do half distance today, I was planning on 4 since that’s half but I was struggling even after 1 mile. Pace felt fast even though it wasn’t, I felt like I’d been hit by a train. I called it at 3. I still just want to sleep but I’m going to get some homework done, go to class at 6:30 and then I can sleep after that. Idk what’s up.

HR 48

Adidas Boston 6 VII Miles: 3.00
Night Sleep Time: 12.00Nap Time: 2.00Total Sleep Time: 14.00
Add Comment
Total Distance
5.50

I was still pretty tired today, but not as unbelievably exhausted as I was yesterday. So I decided to try the 60%. Coach wanted me to keep up with the group for all 5 miles because of how well I did last time we did a 60%, I got a little anxious about that because I wasn’t feeling great today. But I attempted it. I started to fall back about 2.25 miles in and decided to stop with a couple other girls only going 3 miles of the 60%. Splits were 6:19, 12:30 (6:21), 19:06 (6:36). Averages out at 6:22. Not as great as last time, but still decent, especially considering how I felt.

HR 45

Adidas Boston 6 VII Miles: 5.50
Night Sleep Time: 8.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 8.00
Add Comment
Total Distance
6.25

Coach told me to do a 50% and pickups today instead of the workout, so that’s what I did. There ended up being a small group of us: Brighton, Julieta, Josie and I. We did Cross Hollows. I didn’t feel great today, plus it was rainy and pretty windy. Ended up averaging 7:37. There were some good-ish pickups that were sub-6:30 pace and some other parts of the run where I struggled to hit below 7:55 pace. It was just one of those meh kind of days.

Adidas Boston 6 VII Miles: 6.25
Night Sleep Time: 8.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 8.00
Add Comment
Total Distance
6.00

2.5 miles warmup (7:15 average, kinda quick for warmup). Then strides and started. Today’s workout was 5x600s, but after the 4th I called it quits. I should’ve done the last one but I just felt awful. I told Paul I was sorry and he said not to be sorry, that we all have those days. I felt a little better after that. I was really frustrated because I was really trying to run 5:20-5:30 pace but I honestly couldn’t. I was working so hard and felt like I was running 80s but I was way off. It was also SOOO windy so that had a factor, but still. The second and fourth had an extra 200 into the wind and first and third had an extra 200 with the wind to our backs. Going into the wind was like hitting a wall and not being able to move haha. Times were 2:05, 2:18, 2:18, 2:25. So averaged 2:16 (6:05 pace). It was a struggle bus.

Drew wants me to see the doctor on Wednesday to make sure nothing else is going on. I’m probably just recovering from being sick, but I am still very fatigued. Seeing the doctor won’t hurt I guess. Rolled out and hip rehab

HR 50

Adidas Boston 6 VII Miles: 6.00
Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
Add Comment
Total Distance
5.00

According to some tests I have severe depression and moderate anxiety. I already knew I had them, but I wasn’t sure to what extent or which one was more prevalent etc. and it’s relieving to have it confirmed. Sometimes I am hard on myself and believe I should be fine or stronger because I’m in great physical shape and outwardly appear to be fine. And everyone else seems to have their lives together, but mine feels like it’s falling apart. But you know, you can be in great physical shape and still have your mental health in the gutter. That’s where I’m at right now.

I might emergency withdraw from this semester. I haven’t completely decided yet, but that’s what I’m leaning towards so I can figure life out and relieve some stress, even if it’s just temporary.

My dad asked if I thought running and school together were too stressful for me. Not going to lie, it is very stressful to be a collegiate athlete, especially one that is fighting for a chance to even compete. I’m putting in all the hard work required but miss out on the opportunities to see those benefits, except for in workouts. And I have been for years. But with the strict training regimen I put my body through and the difficulty and stress that comes with it, it’s almost not worth it if the overall result is a decrease in satisfaction in life. But, the whole thought of giving up collegiate running is one I’ve never seriously considered before. Sure it’s popped up a lot but I’ve always brushed it off because running is what I love to do and it’s been my life for 7 years. I always felt like quitting was just giving up and accepting that you’ll never amount to anything. I thought the answer was to maintain a positive attitude and endure. But maybe there’s more to it, maybe it’s just moving on to bigger and better things that will provide you with a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life.

I don’t know if my sudden propensity for change is stemming from the depression and anxiety, hence why I want to withdraw from classes and figure my life out before making any big decisions regarding the next few years. I figure doing that is better than working myself to death and letting my mental health deteriorate any further. My depression has started to bring my thoughts into dangerous territories, it has interfered with my functionality in my everyday life, and I don’t like the direction I’m headed. So I feel it’s time to take a break and figure things out.

I’m just scared to run it by my coach and actually go through with it. I need to figure out the logistics and what I’ll do for the next 6 months if I do withdraw. 

Adidas Boston 6 VII Miles: 5.00
Night Sleep Time: 8.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 8.00
Comments(2)
Total Distance
9.00

Snowy run. Took it easy, 8:01 average. Felt nice, I was able to work through some thoughts.

I’ve narrowed down part of my decision. Truth is, I don’t want to quit track or cross country. I know it’s stressful, I know that it’s difficult, but I really do enjoy it. And more opportunities might open up within the next couple years to travel if I continue to improve, and even if my situation stays the same the whole time I’d still love to work hard to improve off my high school times. Even if it’s just one meet. I don’t want to give up on that just yet, and I can use workouts as measurements of improvement and find joy in that. Also, by continuing to run I’ll most likely still have a scholarship. And really, there are so many benefits from it like the available resources for student-athletes and the positive effect running and exercise in general has on depression. Having a team and coaches counting on me to be at practice helps me to get out and run on the days my depression is particularly debilitating.

Adidas Boston 6 VII Miles: 9.00
Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
Comments(1)
Total Distance
6.00

Canyon with Josie for the first couple miles, then I stopped at the bathroom. My stomach didn’t feel great. Then on the way back ran into the conference girls, ran with them for a little then flipped around and headed back to the track. The last couple miles felt good. 7:34 average

My left leg is a tight mess. IT band and tibialis anterior in particular. It’s what’s causing my knee pain. Hip rehab and a VMO exercise (my neuromuscular control still needs improvement, my left VMO was difficult to keep contracted), lots of rolling out, stretched and got leg rubbed out. It hurt pretty bad but knee felt a lot better after

After talking with our academic coordinator I feel a lot more hopeful about things. I think I’m going to continue with this semester. I’ll talk with my professors and see if they have any suggestions or pointers. I know it’s the harder option and will be difficult with my depression but it’ll be for the best. It’s better for me to do what I can right now and make progress towards my degree than to take a break and start over. I’m going to have to dig down deep and grit out the tough days even when I don’t feel like I can. I’ll just focus on one thing at a time and stay productive. Then when I don’t feel like I can face the day, I’ll coach myself through it and focus on the small things I’m able to accomplish. It’s all about perspective and continuing to move forward. Even if you move at a snail’s pace to do what needs done, at the end of the day you’re still that much closer to your end goal than you were before.

Adidas Boston 6 VII Miles: 6.00
Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
Add Comment
Total Distance
4.70

Felt short of breath today. And pretty tired by the end. Felt like I’d just done a long speed workout instead of an easy 50%, it was strange. 7:31 average. Hip and quad rehab, rolled out, stretched. My leg bruised from the massage yesterday so we didn’t do anything with it today.

I’m curious about my iron levels, I’ve been low before. Might check it

Adidas Boston 6 VII Miles: 4.70
Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
Add Comment
Total Distance
3.00

8:12 average. Almost didn’t go running at all but I forced myself to. I shut off my mind and just ran, stopped trying to coach myself through my depression. It was a release of sorts to just experience it without trying to understand why I felt so sad. I alternate between being apathetic/anxious about my lack of desire to do anything (including eating or getting out of bed) and being intensely sad, hopeless, and not caring about anything. I don’t know which one is worse. 

Got extremely sad when I realized the last time I felt truly happy and upbeat about life was 10 months ago. I’ve never had a severe depressive episode last this long before. Sigh. I’ll just continue to run and do things I enjoy, or used to enjoy. Experience what it feels like to truly laugh and love and relax. Somehow. Without faking it. Remembering the good times today was actually a good thing, even though it made me stop and cry in the middle of my run. Because I remembered back to what it felt like to not be severely depressed. To be hopeful, content, happy, and excited about things. I’d forgotten what that felt like, my life has been so dull trying to make it through one more month, week, or even just through the day on particularly bad days. But now I’m reminded that there is more to life than this drudgery. Things will get better, eventually. 

Adidas Boston 6 VII Miles: 3.00
Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
Comments(1)
Total Distance
6.80

Ferritin is low (for a runner) at 26, iron high at 200. Bilirubin high at 1.6. Negative for mono and everything else is normal. Drew says we’ll talk monday

Started along Dikes and Thomas came up behind me, he slowed to my pace and we ran together for a couple miles. It made the run go by faster :) Then once we got to campus he was finished and I ran to Walmart and back home. I was short of breath and felt lightheaded at the end. 7:43 average

I found this on the internet:

“Iron is essential for athletic performance. It is the component of hemoglobin in your red blood cells that transports oxygen to your cells and carries carbon dioxide away. The brain also relies on oxygen transport, and without enough iron, you will find it hard to concentrate and feel tired and irritable. Iron is also needed to maintain a healthy immune system. If you don't have enough iron you may be prone to more frequent infections.”

“If your bilirubin levels are higher than normal, it’s a sign that either your red blood cells are breaking down at an unusual rate or that your liver isn’t breaking down waste properly and clearing the bilirubin from your blood.”

Adidas Boston 6 VII Miles: 6.80
Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
Comments(2)
Total Distance
7.30

Couldn’t sleep at all last night. At 5:30 I decided it was “morning” and went for a run. It was actually nice and peaceful. 7:34 average.

I finally fell asleep around 11:45 after class (I was able to go today so that’s an accomplishment) I slept until 3:15. Weights was at 4 and I really didn’t want to go, I was so tired and just wanted to keep sleeping. But eventually I convinced myself to get up and go. Coach I said to gauge how fatigued we were and decide how many sets we do (3-5), I was very much fatigued so I did 3. He had a whole speech about being fatigued and how he knows sometimes it’s pure willpower to get up and go running/work out, I was thinking man you have no idea lol. It was a nice stress relief. Game readied my knee after because it was hurting. 

My depression has been taking its toll, that’s for sure. I’ve alternated between hypersomnia and insomnia, I’ve also alternated between missing meals and binge eating sweets, I’ve almost completely lost my appetite for regular food, I am unable to focus or concentrate for more than 5-15 minutes, I have lost all motivation and don’t enjoy things I used to (now they feel more like a drag and sometimes I actually dread doing them), I’m irritable and get headaches and chest tightness from excessive thinking/stressing.  And I’m very overwhelmed with everything I need to do but can’t.

At this point I’m sticking with my decision to stay in classes, I’ve figured out that I can fail anatomy and still be eligible for cross next semester so I think I’ll give up trying in that class and focus on getting my others up (I’m currently failing all my classes, which is discouraging too because I had a 3.6 until this year). I talked to Paul and he suggested I go to CAPS instead of just seeing the sports psychologist because in his experience sports psychologists are better at motivating for sports and playtime rather than dealing with life, and CAPS might be more beneficial. So I went in and now just have to wait for them to set up appointments, not sure how long it’ll take. This is my third time trying to set things up with them but I think I was too busy before for it to work, and I was like nah it’s fine I can see the sports psychologist whenever I want since I’m an athlete so I’ll stick with that. I’m also switching medications soon because obviously the one I’ve been taking is not working. Paul also helped me set up an appointment with the academic coordinator for tomorrow, in hopes that she’ll be able to set me up with tutors to help me through the non-concentration bit, and hopefully actually be able to do what I need to. I’m grateful for all the help and resources available to me.

As for right now, I’m just overwhelmed and stressed out because it kinda feels impossible to do well in classes in my current state, but I’ll just push forward and hope that things get better eventually and do my best. I feel a lot better about pushing myself and trying even if I’m not sure if I can succeed rather than giving up completely, wasting time, and trying again later when I feel better. 

Adidas Boston 6 VII Miles: 7.30
Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 3.00Total Sleep Time: 3.00
Comments(2)
Total Distance
7.00

It was 49 degrees and sunny! I met up with Haley, Sam, Morgan and Julieta today. We did parks to hospital loop, 7:21 average. I felt good until just under 4 miles in, that’s when the fatigue set in. The last 3 miles were kinda rough, I just felt so tired. Then hip and knee rehab, both felt good today :) Rapid rebooted

I met with Paul and our academic coordinator this morning. Angie was able to set me up with tutors. That will help me a lot. I start tomorrow. I’m grateful for all the help and support, both on this blog and from friends, family, coaches and resources on campus. Thank you all for your kindness :)

Adidas Boston 6 VII Miles: 7.00
Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
Add Comment
Total Distance
5.00

Met with a tutor today for the first time, it was really helpful. Concentrating is really difficult so having someone there to help was really nice. I’ll be meeting with one every day.

Yesterday was a good day, I was able to go to class and keep myself moving. Today, not so much. I missed class again, though I did go see the tutor. Then went home to sleep. I also missed weights. I saw the doctor tonight and got a new prescription for anti-depressants since the one I’ve been taking for over a month isn’t working. This new one is close to the one that gave me an allergic reaction two years ago but it’s kinda the one I need. He said it’s as close to it as you can get without it actually being it, so I think that means I shouldn’t have an allergic reaction? We’ll see. It can cause nausea which I’ve had as a side effect for other medications so that kinda sucks but it should only last a couple weeks. I also feel a little better now because I’ve had suicidal thoughts and he said he’s not worried, it’s one of the most normal abnormalities. And common with depression. I thought I was going insane so that’s actually reassuring, the problem is when you want to act on it. Which I don’t. Depression just sucks.

7:21 average

Adidas Boston 6 VII Miles: 5.00
Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
Add Comment
Total Distance
9.50

Well, that was longer than intended... I sorta got stranded :/ lol. At least I got some mileage in.

We met as a team in the centrum for a picture for Alumni something or another since we won conference in Cross. There were a lot of people there for high school basketball state championships, ha. Then Angie, Julieta and Haley were going to do a 60% on farm run, Sharlie and Morgan were going a little later for just a 50%. I wanted to get it over with so I opted for the 60%, and I haven’t done a workout in a while so I thought it’d be good for me. We did it on farm run, I didn’t feel great but that’s kinda the norm now. Oh well.

Mile warmup then started the 60%. We started slower than normal, which actually felt pretty slow surprisingly. I guess I was expecting to have to push it but it was nice and relaxed. 60%s I think are my new favorite workout. Second mile is where it hit me, I got tired real quick. I stopped for a second after 2.25 miles because I felt awful, my stomach was hurting and the fatigue had set in. I thought to myself, “man I just want to go home and sleep.” The new normal. Then I fought that thinking no I can’t sleep all the time! I’m stronger than this. Just finish to 3 miles of the 60%. So after that minute of debate with myself I started again, hit the 3 mile and thought screw it at least go to 4! So I did. But I was so exhausted by then. My legs and lungs felt fine. It was my energy levels that were so low. And my gut was killing me and there was no bathroom in sight. So I called it at 4.

Splits: 6:24.86, 12:49 (6:24.53), 19:24 (6:34.73) - the one with the 1-2 minute break in the middle, 26:06 (6:42.27). Averages out at 6:31. 

Then cooled down. We’d left Julieta’s car at the 7 mile mark, though I’d fallen back and Angie needed to be somewhere so I sorta expected them to leave. I should’ve turned back at 3 miles instead of going the whole way. Oh well! Like I said, I got miles in :) very slow, fatigued miles but eh whatever. 9.5 miles total of running, plus I walked about a mile on the way back because I wasn’t feeling it

Coach said practices will start up again on Monday. We’re between seasons right now. And I think coach sensed our team was tired so he gave us a break

I’ve sort of lost my love of running, but I think that’s from the depression. Maybe with workouts starting up again next week I’ll get some of it back. One of my teammates is going through depression and lost her love of running, too. It’s nice to know I’m not alone, even though I don’t see her much anymore. She’s actually the one that informed me about the emergency withdrawal, since that’s what she did. Everyone’s got their own struggles and I think the best thing to do is help others with theirs.

Adidas Boston 6 VII Miles: 9.50
Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
Add Comment
Total Distance
129.80
Adidas Boston 6 VII Miles: 129.80
Night Sleep Time: 113.00Nap Time: 20.00Total Sleep Time: 133.00
Debt Reduction Calculator


Featured Announcements
Google
Web fastrunningblog.com
Lone Faithfuls
(need a comment):