Well, I’ve officially hit my lowest. I talked to coach this morning, I’d been holding out the hope that he’d be lenient with me since I’m injured but nope. Basically I have to finish the progression run on August 16 or I have to train on my own until December, then can come back and basically try out again. Coach said I’d still be part of the team but... nope I really wouldn’t be. The only difference from being completely on my own is that I still would have access to the training room and athletic trainers. I’m just having a really hard time believing that I can finish the progression run, it already was going to be hard had I not gotten injured. I’ve never finished it before and it’s a tough one. Yeah I’ve never just given up like this before... and I haven’t given up I think I just need time to think and remotivate myself, to try to believe in myself again.
I don’t know if I should start running and increasing my miles, pushing through the pain while knowing I’m going to have to stop again eventually, probably mid-season but at least I’d be able to run with the team, or if I should accept it for what it is and allow myself to heal, risking not being fit enough to finish... if I ran I could get some faster workouts in and be able to feel what paces felt like. It’s different on the bike because it’s all effort based so I won’t have that confidence that I can run fast if I’m only biking and running like 3-5 miles. The progression run is 7.75 miles. I just don’t know what to do.
I also really need to look at my life and figure it out, I don’t know what I should do... at this point I’m wondering why I’m still at SUU. If I get cut, I mean I’ll be here for another year because of my scholarship, but next year I wouldn’t have one, unless I miraculously recover from this injury and have a stellar year this next year. So... why am I here? And what do I want to do with my life? I‘m not too sure about my career anymore either. Time to figure things out.
Ended up running 5.25 miles at 7:24 average