Sock tans

October 17, 2019

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Location:

Rexburg,ID,

Member Since:

Jun 21, 2011

Gender:

Female

Goal Type:

Other

Running Accomplishments:

800m- 2:23

1 Mile- 5:12

3200m-11:03

XC 3 mile-17:55

XC 5k- 19:00

XC 6k- 22:25

Local 5k- 18:42

Local 10k- 41:31

Local 15k- 1:03:55

Unofficial Half (first and only)- 1:45:46

60% (5 miles)- 32:32 (6:30 average)

80% (3 miles)- 18:52 (6:17 average)

16x400s- 82.0 average

20x400s- 82.6 average

Road Race- 23:30 (3.9 miles/6:02 average)

Short-Term Running Goals:

Get up to 45-50 miles/week

Run a sub-19:30 5k again

Officially run a half marathon

Train for and race a half marathon

Long-Term Running Goals:

18:45 or under 5k

14+ mile run

Run a marathon

Personal:

Current student at BYU-Idaho and former runner for Southern Utah University. I served as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in the Missouri Independence Mission, also known as the Alpha and Omega mission.

I want to remember the things that brought me success as a runner and I hope to always live by them:

First off, I believed it was possible to do well and perhaps even run in college. I began by wondering if I had the ability, then I started to believe it, until one day I knew that with the hand of the Lord in my life, anything was possible.

Secondly, I worked hard. I put in the effort. I knew I would only get out what I put in. I wanted to make my dream a reality, so I dedicated myself and gave it my all.

Third, I strived for a positive attitude. True mental toughness is always looking for the positive and choosing to press on, especially when things are difficult.

Fourth, I determined to never give up, to endure through even the most painful of times. 

Running has taught me so much. I hope to continue to apply the things I've learned to everyday life and any other things that become important to me. 

Now I'm transitioning to the post-collegiate athlete life. What a journey it's been.

Favorite Blogs:

Miles:This week: 12.00 Month: 61.37 Year: 965.27
Adidas Distancestar Spikes Lifetime Miles: 3.00
Adidas Boston 7 Lifetime Miles: 430.33
Nike Pegasus 34 Lifetime Miles: 12.00
Total Distance
4.00

We ran to the upper fields and did 4x3 minute pickups with 2 minutes rest. Then ran back to the track and back home for FHE. Just under my knee was bugging at the end, probably an IT band issue. Or a definitive sign that these shoes are shot.

I'd like to believe everything is fine and dandy since everything that happened 6-7 months ago, and truthfully I do feel so much better. I was just thinking today how strange it was that I didn't feel super depressed, usually before whenever I got deep in thought or something affected me deeply, I'd naturally feel intense sadness. But now I don't. However, I still feel like subconsciously there's something not right. I don't know how to explain it. Although I'm no longer depressed and no longer have any suicidal ideation (and haven't at all in 5 months), I am very stressed and unmotivated, unsure where I want to go in life. I can distract myself by going out and doing my everyday things, but I often come back to wondering what I'm doing or what the point of everything is. I feel like I've been avoiding anything that might possibly bring me down a path that leads to depression, which is good but I almost go to the extremes. I transferred schools for one, I quit college running, I moved to Rexburg to "start over," I tried to forget everything that happened and act like I was just a normal student. But now I can feel my motivation slipping, I've often wanted to just withdraw from classes and work instead because at least then I'd be making money instead of digging myself into debt, but I truthfully just don't know where I should be focusing my efforts. I don't get excited about doing well anymore, I really could just care less. I don't really know what to do about it.

I think maybe it's time to find a therapist here in Rexburg. I am back in the habit of berating myself for not doing things right and I feel very stressed out. I am gravitating towards staying at home rather than doing things I need to more often now and I know that wasn't a good thing in the past. Also, one of my roommates is suicidal right now. I know it's an opportunity for me to help, but I feel like I'm not doing enough. It's good to have someone with similar experiences and be able to connect that way, but also she's been through this many times and has gone through a lot worse than I have, so I don't really know how to help her...

Adidas Boston 7 Miles: 4.00
Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
Comments
From Burt on Thu, Oct 10, 2019 at 13:17:18 from 68.98.75.52

Sarah. So glad you are doing better. Sounds like you still have some moments. If you ever need to reach out, I'm here. I know I'm just an internet friend, but for me, even my internet friends are real friends :)

From Sarah! on Fri, Oct 11, 2019 at 00:18:19 from 205.185.99.33

Awww thank you Burt 😊 I really appreciate it! Iíll definitely keep that in mind, thank you so much! Youíre an amazing friend, internet or no :)

From Eugene on Fri, Oct 11, 2019 at 01:13:27 from 174.223.142.43

itís good that youíre doing better. however, just know that everyone gets sad whether theyíre diagnosed depressed or not. itís essential to be sad to be happy, and vice versa. if you were just one all the time you wouldnít even know it. so donít place a stigma on being sad, itís just part of life. whatís important is that you donít let the feeling paralyze you, and learn to feel sad while still looking ahead to a brighter tomorrow. life can always get better, and it can always get worse. sometimes itís out of our control, but sometimes itís also just in our heads, more often than i think weíd like to admit.

as for your friend, all you can truly do is express your history and let her know youíve been to that place too and whenever she needs you youíre there for her. sheíll come to you if she needs you. thereís not too much else you can do; you canít fight someone elseís mental battles.

lastly, know that even if you canít get an ounce of will mustered to do what you feel you need to be doing, just try anyway. we always expect much more of ourselves than anyone else would. youíd be surprised how much just sitting down and opening a textbook or going to where you need to be without committing to what you need to does to get the ball rolling by just taking that first step without thinking about what comes after it to dissuade you. just try to be a little better than you were the day before and before you know it, youíre exactly where you wanna be.

From Sarah! on Mon, Oct 14, 2019 at 18:00:15 from 205.185.99.33

Thank you Eugene, that is very helpful! I really appreciate it :)

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