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March 29, 2024

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Location:

Millcreek,UT,

Member Since:

Jun 21, 2011

Gender:

Female

Goal Type:

Other

Running Accomplishments:

800m- 2:23

1600m- 5:10

1 Mile- 5:12

3200m-11:03

XC 3 mile-17:55

XC 5k- 19:00

XC 6k- 22:25

Local 5k- 18:42

Local 10k- 41:31

Local 15k- 1:03:55

Unofficial Half (2020)- 1:45:46

Official Half (2021)- 1:49:28

60% (5 miles)- 32:32 (6:30 average)

80% (3 miles)- 18:52 (6:17 average)

16x400s- 82.0 average

20x400s- 82.6 average

SUU Road Race- 23:30 (3.9 miles/6:02 average)

Short-Term Running Goals:

Get up to 45-50 miles/week

Run a sub-19:30 5k again

Train for and race a half marathon

Long-Term Running Goals:

18:45 or under 5k

Run a marathon

Personal:

26 years old, not married, no kids. Going against the norm in Utah.

Mental health advocate, LGBTQ+ rights supporter. Newly identified bisexual woman. Ex-mormon

Former college runner for Southern Utah University

Current Employment and Community Engagement Manager at a special needs company called Atlas Advocacy Services.

Favorite Blogs:

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Miles:This week: 0.00 Month: 0.00 Year: 0.00
Adidas Distancestar Spikes Lifetime Miles: 3.00
Adidas Boston 7 Lifetime Miles: 430.33
Nike Pegasus 34 Lifetime Miles: 493.60
Nike Pegasus 34 II Lifetime Miles: 365.31
Nike Pegasus 36 Lifetime Miles: 480.43
Nike Pegasus 36 II Lifetime Miles: 319.00
Nike Pegasus 37 Lifetime Miles: 188.01
New Balance FuelCore Nergize V1 (walking) Lifetime Miles: 219.85
Nike Pegasus Turbo Lifetime Miles: 31.68
Total Distance
5.00

5 miles. After 2 miles I picked it up, it felt good to run it out. Splits were 7:45, 7:59, 6:44, 6:45, 6:46. 7:13 average.

Today was a pretty bad day for depression. Couldn't get myself to go to weights or classes. I forced myself to go to swim class in the afternoon. That's got to count for something. I didn't even want to run but I forced myself to go out for that, too, after swim. I also did a bit of cleaning around the house. I got none of the important things I needed to done, but at least I did something? Sigh. I still don't want to do anything. I'm tired and sad and have no motivation.

I might try medication again soon. My next meeting with the sports psychologist is next week. I've been meeting with him a lot this semester. Who knows maybe one day I'll find the right medication and it'll no longer be such an issue. I gave up trying to find the right one around this time last year because of the side effects.

The sports psychologist pointed out that the things happening in my life are enough to cause anyone to grieve or stress out (and it's not just running/school/work). But my depression and anxiety cause me to get wrapped up in them, to the point of not eating or overeating or missing appointments or not being able to focus or not having the energy or motivation to do the things I need to. Really it makes it nearly impossible to function like normal. This summer I didn't eat much. Got my appetite back at the end of the summer/beginning of the semester, but I can feel it leaving again. When I'm particularly stressed sometimes I turn to food and eat and eat to feel better, but that happens less than missing meals.

I'm learning how to refocus and bring my thoughts back to what I'm doing instead of letting my anxiety skyrocket. I'm still terrible at it, but Ron said it's a skill that can be learned. And I'm trying not to criticize myself so much. I am my worst critic.

As for running, it's one of the only things that helps me feel slightly better. Even if I'm not good enough for coach, it's still my outlet. But I'm frustrated about things never changing. I thought that when we transitioned from cross to track we'd stay true to our event groups. But I should've known from past years that coach always puts the slow ones in the 800 group. I've never been one of those, until now. Almost all of those slower than me have quit the team. But this is an opportunity most people don't get. I'm still able to run and be a part of the team, and an amazing one at that.

Anyways. I don't feel like I'm needed or wanted here. But you know, that's okay. I've decided that I'll be that person that sticks around when others don't. I'll be that person that pushes through even when it feels like the walls are closing in. I'll endure and grit it out in the hopes that a miracle will happen and that I'll have a breakthrough. And really, I'm just grateful every day for being able to continue to do what I love. For such patient and understanding coaches. And for awesome teammates, even though I don't see most of them much. They're still supportive and encouraging and I love them so much.

Adidas Boston 6 VI Miles: 5.00
Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
Comments
From Eva Splaine on Thu, Nov 29, 2018 at 14:46:10 from 153.164.78.24

I have always enjoyed reading your blogs here.

I can understand a little the frustrations that you are feeling.

Recently I have also lost a little motivation for running.

Since breaking my ankle and coming back from that, and also due to other physical changes I am not able to run as fast as I once did, and maybe I never will. It is frustrating.

But I think it is important not to dwell on and worry about things that we have no control over.

I have found that in practice it is better just to do the workout as asked and do my best. I try not to worry about what coach thinks. I use to do workouts trying to please him, but I have learned it is better to do them for me. The workouts are for my improvement, not to please coach. I use to worry that coach was judging me on workouts. That was really stressful. But now I think coach understands my fitness level and is giving me workouts that will make be stretch to accomplish them, but is taking my improvement into consideration more than judging whether or not I am worthy to be on the team.

I understand how you feel sometimes and my heart cries for you sometimes when I read about your struggles, but I am always here cheering for you.

Maybe we can encourage each other as we try to improve.

Best of luck to you.

From Burt on Sat, Dec 01, 2018 at 14:58:13 from 70.176.85.97

Hey Sarah. Sounds like something you've been struggling with for a while, and I had no idea. (Glad I didn't make that comment about you picking your nose to make it bloody on your other entry.) Anyway, depression is such a complex and individual thing, that I don't know what the right thing to say to you is, if anything at all. So please let me know if there's ever anything I can do to help.

From Sarah! on Mon, Dec 03, 2018 at 21:31:31 from 96.60.205.222

Thank you so much, both of you :) I really appreciate you reaching out to me and being so sweet.

Eva- I’m so sorry to hear that running has been difficult for you, too. Way to stay strong, and holy cow you’re fast! Haha. Thanks for reading my blog :) Yes let’s do encourage each other! I’ll be here cheering for you :)

Burt- Hahaha 😂 I think the wind is what did it! And maybe dehydration and the dry, cold air. Hahaha. Thank you, I really appreciate it :) I don’t think there’s really anything anyone can do and that’s the frustrating part, but simply knowing that people are there and cheering for me helps so much. I naturally tend to keep everything to myself. I’m learning to open up and accept help from people and stop trying to be fine on my own because it just doesn’t always work. So thanks again for being there! It means a lot :)

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