Today was full of meetings for the new season to start and form training and such. It actually got me kind of pumped. I’d forgotten how much fun it is to be with the team and to have practice. The last time I did warmups/drills was back in April and today yet again I found myself almost babying my femur, expecting it to hurt as I did drills but no pain of course. That actually got me really pumped because it felt so great to be back and able to do everything with no pain. Kind of surprised me too because I realized how negative my attitude has been coming into this season, I’d basically given up all hope of ever being able to run fast again.
At the meetings we were introduced to the sports psychologist (I didn’t even know we had one to be honest) and I ended up meeting with him before the form training, it actually really helped. I realized that while, yes, I might not be at my best physically at this moment, I still have this whole year to work hard and improve. I’d had kind of the mindset that my hard work went unnoticed, that it’s been all for nothing, but that’s not true. There’s a reason I’m still on the team. There’s a reason Coach is giving me leeway. There’s a reason I got a scholarship in the first place. And that’s because of my hard work, and Coach can see that. That’s why he let me keep my scholarship for another year. That’s why he’s letting me stay with the team. Because he knows my heart is in it and he knows I’ve been putting in the work.
I realized I’ve been stressing that Coach will go back on his decision. That if I do terribly on the progression run he’s going to shake his head and wonder why he’s cutting me some slack. But that’s out of my control and worrying about it will do nothing but limit me. So, instead, I should focus on what I can control. I can work hard. Even if the worst happens and coach goes back on his decision, which I don’t think he will, I still have until December to get into the shape I need to be in for track season. I can perform well in track and secure my scholarship for another year. I can still improve, I can still be fast. It wouldn’t be the end of the world.
So finally, I can go into the progression run knowing it’s just to see where I’m at. It’s not the end. Whatever happens happens, and either way I’m still going to be working hard to improve. Realistically Cross season won’t be all that great for me anyway, I will be getting into shape and ready to compete for track. Being with the team would be great because I’d have set workouts, and coaches to push me, but not being with the team would be great too because I’d be able to set my own workouts, go my own paces and just focus on bettering myself, improving, and not the stress of competing. So either way, I will be fine. I’d rather be with the team and would be so grateful if Coach stuck with what he said, but honestly, I’ll be alright with anything. We’ll just see what happens.
I’m probably going to continue to meet with the sports psychologist for a while. I think it’ll help. And I might try taking antidepressants again but we’ll see how I feel. My only hesitation is the side effects and having another allergic reaction.
Ran with Danielle after the form training, 4 miles at 7:53 average.
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