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April 19, 2024

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Location:

Millcreek,UT,

Member Since:

Jun 21, 2011

Gender:

Female

Goal Type:

Other

Running Accomplishments:

800m- 2:23

1600m- 5:10

1 Mile- 5:12

3200m-11:03

XC 3 mile-17:55

XC 5k- 19:00

XC 6k- 22:25

Local 5k- 18:42

Local 10k- 41:31

Local 15k- 1:03:55

Unofficial Half (2020)- 1:45:46

Official Half (2021)- 1:49:28

60% (5 miles)- 32:32 (6:30 average)

80% (3 miles)- 18:52 (6:17 average)

16x400s- 82.0 average

20x400s- 82.6 average

SUU Road Race- 23:30 (3.9 miles/6:02 average)

Short-Term Running Goals:

Get up to 45-50 miles/week

Run a sub-19:30 5k again

Train for and race a half marathon

Long-Term Running Goals:

18:45 or under 5k

Run a marathon

Personal:

26 years old, not married, no kids. Going against the norm in Utah.

Mental health advocate, LGBTQ+ rights supporter. Newly identified bisexual woman. Ex-mormon

Former college runner for Southern Utah University

Current Employment and Community Engagement Manager at a special needs company called Atlas Advocacy Services.

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Miles:This week: 0.00 Month: 0.00 Year: 0.00
Adidas Distancestar Spikes Lifetime Miles: 3.00
Adidas Boston 7 Lifetime Miles: 430.33
Nike Pegasus 34 Lifetime Miles: 493.60
Nike Pegasus 34 II Lifetime Miles: 365.31
Nike Pegasus 36 Lifetime Miles: 480.43
Nike Pegasus 36 II Lifetime Miles: 319.00
Nike Pegasus 37 Lifetime Miles: 188.01
New Balance FuelCore Nergize V1 (walking) Lifetime Miles: 219.85
Nike Pegasus Turbo Lifetime Miles: 31.68
Mon, Oct 07, 2019
Total Distance
4.00

We ran to the upper fields and did 4x3 minute pickups with 2 minutes rest. Then ran back to the track and back home for FHE. Just under my knee was bugging at the end, probably an IT band issue. Or a definitive sign that these shoes are shot.

I'd like to believe everything is fine and dandy since everything that happened 6-7 months ago, and truthfully I do feel so much better. I was just thinking today how strange it was that I didn't feel super depressed, usually before whenever I got deep in thought or something affected me deeply, I'd naturally feel intense sadness. But now I don't. However, I still feel like subconsciously there's something not right. I don't know how to explain it. Although I'm no longer depressed and no longer have any suicidal ideation (and haven't at all in 5 months), I am very stressed and unmotivated, unsure where I want to go in life. I can distract myself by going out and doing my everyday things, but I often come back to wondering what I'm doing or what the point of everything is. I feel like I've been avoiding anything that might possibly bring me down a path that leads to depression, which is good but I almost go to the extremes. I transferred schools for one, I quit college running, I moved to Rexburg to "start over," I tried to forget everything that happened and act like I was just a normal student. But now I can feel my motivation slipping, I've often wanted to just withdraw from classes and work instead because at least then I'd be making money instead of digging myself into debt, but I truthfully just don't know where I should be focusing my efforts. I don't get excited about doing well anymore, I really could just care less. I don't really know what to do about it.

I think maybe it's time to find a therapist here in Rexburg. I am back in the habit of berating myself for not doing things right and I feel very stressed out. I am gravitating towards staying at home rather than doing things I need to more often now and I know that wasn't a good thing in the past. Also, one of my roommates is suicidal right now. I know it's an opportunity for me to help, but I feel like I'm not doing enough. It's good to have someone with similar experiences and be able to connect that way, but also she's been through this many times and has gone through a lot worse than I have, so I don't really know how to help her...

Adidas Boston 7 Miles: 4.00
Night Sleep Time: 0.00Nap Time: 0.00Total Sleep Time: 0.00
Comments
From Burt on Thu, Oct 10, 2019 at 13:17:18 from 68.98.75.52

Sarah. So glad you are doing better. Sounds like you still have some moments. If you ever need to reach out, I'm here. I know I'm just an internet friend, but for me, even my internet friends are real friends :)

From Sarah! on Fri, Oct 11, 2019 at 00:18:19 from 205.185.99.33

Awww thank you Burt 😊 I really appreciate it! I’ll definitely keep that in mind, thank you so much! You’re an amazing friend, internet or no :)

From Eugene on Fri, Oct 11, 2019 at 01:13:27 from 174.223.142.43

it’s good that you’re doing better. however, just know that everyone gets sad whether they’re diagnosed depressed or not. it’s essential to be sad to be happy, and vice versa. if you were just one all the time you wouldn’t even know it. so don’t place a stigma on being sad, it’s just part of life. what’s important is that you don’t let the feeling paralyze you, and learn to feel sad while still looking ahead to a brighter tomorrow. life can always get better, and it can always get worse. sometimes it’s out of our control, but sometimes it’s also just in our heads, more often than i think we’d like to admit.

as for your friend, all you can truly do is express your history and let her know you’ve been to that place too and whenever she needs you you’re there for her. she’ll come to you if she needs you. there’s not too much else you can do; you can’t fight someone else’s mental battles.

lastly, know that even if you can’t get an ounce of will mustered to do what you feel you need to be doing, just try anyway. we always expect much more of ourselves than anyone else would. you’d be surprised how much just sitting down and opening a textbook or going to where you need to be without committing to what you need to does to get the ball rolling by just taking that first step without thinking about what comes after it to dissuade you. just try to be a little better than you were the day before and before you know it, you’re exactly where you wanna be.

From Sarah! on Mon, Oct 14, 2019 at 18:00:15 from 205.185.99.33

Thank you Eugene, that is very helpful! I really appreciate it :)

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