I was readmitted to the hospital on Tuesday, this time at the University Neuropsychiatric Unit, 4 North AKA the suicidal unit. Wooo. Anyways, I think this time is different, it's been helpful to be here. I've learned a lot of new things and am having my medications tweaked, the psychiatrist said that no one really stays at the dose that I was on, that it was a starter dose. So they doubled it. The tricky part is knowing when I'm okay to go home because depression/bipolar meds don't typically kick in for a few weeks. But the one I'm on typically you feel the effects quicker than others so that's a positive, plus it's a good medication on its own. It does its job well, according to my psychiatrist. It's just a newer medication and therefore very pricey. Meh but if it keeps me functional it's worth it.
At this point we're thinking I'll be discharged Monday, but we will see. I'm seeing a psychologist/therapist everyday, as well as a dietician who will help me with my eating habits. Also the psychiatrist and a social worker every day. And then we have group therapy all throughout the day every day, so it's a great place to get the help I need. It's a little different to be back a year later and not have my mind groggy from ECT treatments.
I'm doing better and slowly but surely finding the drive to want to help myself. I've needed help learning how I can best do that but I'm learning. And I've felt more motivation come back even just in the past couple of days, and now I have a goal in life once more. Something to work towards- becoming a recreational therapist. I sort of lost sight of that/ wasn't so sure if I wanted to do it, but I've met a couple recreational therapists in the past few weeks and they have been very, very helpful to me. I want to be able to help others the way they have me, and I feel as though it's a measureable goal I can achieve. I do doubt myself a little bit because my parents have suggested that the traditional way of going away to college might not be a plausible option for me anymore because I've struggled in school so much the past 2 years, but at the same time I don't want to just give up. I've learned about better resources that can help me and if I can get my depression/bipolar stuff under control I know I'll be capable of a lot more. So, really, my focus right now should be on getting better, but I'm grateful to have somewhere else to go when I've achieved that, or at least a goal.