I’m always reminded of how different Salt Lake and Cedar are, and yet I love them both so much. Cedar’s small and more easy going, laid back and relaxed. Salt lake is big and has more to do, is faster paced and busier. Up until now it was like they were two different parts of my life, I had a lot of friends in Cedar and only a few in Salt Lake but had my family, and now they’re starting to mix together since a couple Cedar friends moved up north, and I’ve met more people through them.
I wasn’t very social in high school. I used to only care about running and looking back that was kind of a sad existence.
Now, it’s different. I find meaning in so many other things such as family, religion and the relationships with those around me.
I’m still extremely passionate about running, but it’s not my whole world anymore.
I’ve kind of turned into a social butterfly. I’m more relaxed and comfortable meeting new people. I’m more down to have fun because I’m not as worried about it, or I’ve realized that it doesn’t matter what people think. I’ve been lucky enough to have carefree friends who tell me not to worry when they sense I am.
I realized this weekend that I have anxiety on top of my depression. That’s what kept me to myself in high school and still limits me in other things. I worry too much, about what’s going to happen, about offending or upsetting people, about literally everything. And I think stress heightens them both.
I think that’s why I choked so bad when Coach told me he wouldn’t let me on the team if I didn’t finish the progression run. Because I didn’t believe I could do it with my femur hurting again and worried about the worst possible outcome.
I think it’s good to challenge yourself and face your worries and fears. I’ve never regretted it. Every time I’ve taken a risk, did something despite my fears, I’ve gotten something out of it. I think pushing yourself beyond what’s comfortable helps you to grow and improve, not just in running but in all areas of life. Never giving up even when it seems too hard, but also learning to let go of the hopes and dreams that are unrealistic and only make you depressed. Finding where your efforts should be placed, what is going to help you the most. I love the lessons that both life and running have taught me.