Today I started on Wasatch loop intending to do 6 miles. I got 1.25 in and my IT band was tight and I was getting some knee pain. I stopped and tried to massage out my IT band, it helped me to run without too much pain for a little bit, then I decided to turn at 2 miles because I didn’t think I could make it the full 6. Stopped a couple more times to massage again, it made it bearable to run. But now I’m nervous because I bruised my leg massaging it (go me) and my knee has sharp pain with different things. My foam roller is in Cedar so that blows. Idk what to do. Maybe I’ll try to make a makeshift roller or something. Stinking IT band.
7:50 average.
I talked a long time with my mom tonight and one of the things that she said that surprised me (I didn’t know) was that I was diagnosed with mild depression in high school, but my running helped me manage it. I remember my dad asking me if I was depressed (a lot a lot) and me being a teenager that didn’t want anything to be wrong with me I got mad at him a lot for asking and insisted that I wasn’t. I guess I convinced myself I was fine, enough to block out the memory of being diagnosed with mild depression... cause I don’t remember that lol.
Anyways, my mom said that with hormonal changes and stress from college (and other things) it probably pushed my depression over the edge and running no longer was enough to manage it. I was (self reported in hindsight) moderately depressed my freshman year, then left on my mission and two or three months in I was diagnosed with severe depression. A few months later I came home early because I could hardly get out of bed it was so bad. And now this, about 2 years later. I’m grateful to have finally found something that works. My mom says I’ll likely have relapses back into depression, but that now I’ll be able to better manage it with medication, a great therapist I already met with once in Cedar that I like, with running and, if it comes to it, more ECT treatments.
Next doctors appointment is in 3 weeks to get blood drawn and check for toxicity from my medications. I’ll be monitored like this and have a doctors appointment once a month when I go back to Cedar to make sure things are still good.
Today’s mood level was a 7 or 8. Only had that weird dizzy feeling twice today, as compared with 30+ yesterday. So hopefully I’ll have none tomorrow? Memory did better today, but still struggled on a few things. I also still get surprised with how much lighter I feel. I felt like a zombie the last few months in Cedar, but now I’m back to my old self, being more chatty and joking and upbeat than I have been in I don’t know how long.
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