Sock tans

I ran at Sugarhouse again and felt a lot better than I was expecting. I’ve been having stomach pain all day and thought I would feel more out of shape. But I felt decent, surprisingly. Ended up averaging 7:40

Mood’s a 9

I’m really surprised at how good I feel. I was expecting to average around 7:40, but I actually averaged 7:15 (even had one mile at 6:52). It wasn’t hard until the last mile. Then my legs wanted me to stop, they felt like jelly. I stopped for a second then finished to the car (we went to Sugarhouse again). I’ll probably be sore tomorrow. I’m already a teensy bit sore from yesterday 

Mood’s an 8

I ran with Patrick today, we went to the zoo trail. I haven’t been up there in so long. It was tough to say the least. The hills were probably good for me but man, I felt really out of shape hahaha. My legs were burning. Brought back some good memories from high school, I always hated this trail back then but now I like it. Shakes things up a bit and the view of the valley was stunning. Also, I was proud of myself because I didn’t walk the hills like I would’ve in high school, not even the big, steep one that feels like death. Okay I walked one smaller steep hill coming back because I just wasn’t feeling it. Not today, haha. But that big one I didn’t and that’s an accomplishment :) good workout nonetheless. 

Mood’s a 9

Shriner’s run with Patrick, 8:04 average. I was tired but it was nice. 

I’ve been tired lately. Last night my dad commented because apparently it was the first day that I didn’t either take a nap or sleep in super late. I was surprised because I didn’t even really make note of that, but then as I thought about it it’s true. I have slept a lot lately.

As I think about it, my tiredness has seeped into running as well. Today I felt it a lot. I’ve been a bit discouraged because I want to jump up to 6 miles a day because I know I’m in shape enough for that, but for whatever reason 4 miles seems to be my limit. As I was deciding where to run today what it came down to was the distance, either 4 or 6 miles. I wanted to go the 6 mile loop, but I decided on the 4 because if I got exhausted I didn’t want to be miserable the last 2-3 miles. I’m glad I did because after 1 mile I was already exhausted. 

I’ve been discouraged thinking I’m out of shape and frustrated because I can’t seem to increase my mileage, but I don’t think that’s quite accurate. My breathing was very relaxed. My legs are a little sore, but they weren’t hurting much as I ran. Neither did my core or anything. Normally I’d push it a little faster until I was at a pace that at least got my cardiovascular and respiratory systems working harder. And maybe brought a slight burn to my muscles. But for whatever reason, I can’t get myself to feel that. I can’t push myself that hard because I’ll get exhausted quick and not be able to finish miles. And I was already exhausted just trying to make it through the run.

I think the Lithium I’m taking is causing my exhaustion. I have to take it for probably another month, I’ll be doubling my dose in a couple days. But it’s a stepping stone for another medication that I will start after I run out of my Lithium prescription, and then I can stop taking it. So if that’s the case (one of Lithium’s side effects is fatigue) then I’ll just have to make it through another month or so and then hopefully the exhaustion will go away.

Anyways, today I did VA loop. Like I said earlier I was already exhausted one mile in. I stopped for a minute and stretched, surprised that my body felt great but I just struggled to move at the pace I wanted. So after a half mile I’d decided to go a pace that didn’t exhaust me, that felt good. The last mile I wanted to walk because I was so tired. But I didn’t. I ended up averaging 8:03.

Mood-wise I feel great. At about an 8. This is much better than a couple months ago. 

I was really tired again. But I tried fixing my mentality and it helped a lot. Instead of focusing on the fact that I was tired I thought about other things. I stopped once at the 3 mile mark because I knew I had another mile to go and I was exhausted. My thoughts had turned negative. But I talked myself through it, sucked it up and finished. Sometimes running is all about the mentality, so I’m going to try to fix mine to be more positive. VA loop again, 7:39 average. 

Super hyped because my twin brother and I turn 22 tomorrow :) yaaaaas

VA loop again because why not? Averaged 7:42. I had my third mile at 6:54, even though it was slightly downhill I was happy about that. It’s been a long time since I’ve gone sub- 7:00. I was tired again, but felt a little more like my normal self. Getting back slowly but surely. 

I ran with Patrick today and we went up to the JCC trail. I haven’t been up there since high school, because I’ve always hated it because of the hills. But idk why I hated it so much, this time around I really liked it. We were originally going to go 5 miles, but then we got up to the lookout of the valley and took it in for a minute. Then as we were getting ready to start again, we both went eh. It had been all uphill to that point. I’m pretty sure if I remember right past that point is pretty ok until the one death hill we used to do hill repeats on in high school, but we decided we’ll tackle it next time haha. It was a good leg workout going up and I was breathing hard so I think it was a good run. Also I have really missed running these trails here in slc because they’re so nice and I love the valley views. Today was a gorgeous day. So scenic and beautiful

ECT day. There was a miscommunication about one of my medications, I’m supposed to hold it for 3 days before a treatment and I didn’t. They didn’t tell me that. So the options were to either reschedule for tomorrow or Monday, or go ahead and do the treatment but there was a chance I wouldn’t have a seizure. If that was the case we’d have to schedule another treatment for Monday or something. Or if I had a partial seizure. Which meant I’d have all the side effects but no benefits. But luckily I had a good seizure. Side effects aren’t too bad today, I’m just really tired and a little off balance. No running today

I ended up sleeping literally the entire day. My sister Hattie said when I came home from UNI I looked really, really sick. She said it was the worst I’ve looked all through my treatments. I was really, really pale and had really red eyes. I’m not sure why it took so much out of me today, maybe because it was the first time in 10 days? Idk.

No running today. I went to Millie and Tessa’s soccer game then came home and slept for 3ish hours. I was incredibly tired. By that point in the day I’d missed my chance to go running, I’m back to the 24/7 supervision. 

VA loop today this time taking 1300 S. My mom said as long as I texted her every 10 minutes and stuck to that route (since it’s one where a lot of cars and traffic are) she was fine with me going by myself. But she also told me to write her number on my arm in case I passed out so that if someone found me they could call her. Lol. 

Running didn’t feel great today. In fact, there were a couple times when I actually did feel like I was going to pass out. I had thought psht I won’t pass out when talking with my mom but then I was like oh crap on my run haha. My vision had started to go black and my head felt weird. So I stopped and/or walked a few times. Also I’m out of shape. I just want to get back to where running feels good again. My legs were burning at the end though so I was satisfied because that means I’ll get stronger, right? Went slower today, 8:21 average. 

Idk why but this past treatment has taken a lot out of me. Hopefully it’s my last. Might have another in 2 weeks. Who knows

Mood’s an 8 or 9. Things just feel so much lighter than they did a few months ago. To put in perspective- while I was severely depressed I couldn’t get myself out of bed some days, except to go to practice. Now I actually have fun and enjoy whatever I’m doing. Who knew life could be this great

Today I switched it up a little and went the opposite direction on Foothill. I had to take the busy roads in case I passed out or seized and texted my mom every so often so she knew I was okay since I technically shouldn’t be running alone. But eh we bend the rules a bit lol. I took it slower again and averaged 8:12. Breathing felt fine but my legs were hurting by the end. Maybe I should start working on strengthening them outside of running. Idk. I didn’t feel like I was going to pass out today so yay! But I felt fatigued. I stopped a few times but they were short and I never walked like I did yesterday so that’s a win in my book. Next goal is to only stop once or not at all.

I’ve decided I shouldn’t worry so much about my training at the moment because I have a lot of time to get back in great shape before Cross. And I’m grateful for that, my summer training will begin once I go back to Cedar and stop taking the medication that is contributing to my exhaustion. I’ve obviously lost fitness because of my hospital stays and my efforts to get mentally healthy, but in the end it will be worth it. My performances might even be better after curing my depression. 

Our men’s team won conference so wooo! And our women’s took third I think so that’s awesome! I was a bit sad that I couldn’t be there or compete like I might’ve if I hadn’t withdrawn from the semester, but I have other years that I’ll be able to. And overall, I’m grateful that I was able to get the help that I needed. But huge congrats to them for their great performances!

I felt better today than I did yesterday. I ran on Foothill again but this time I made it all the way to the drinking fountain! I was happy with that. Plus I was able to rehydrate a little :) unfortunately I still stopped a few times due to fatigue, I hope that I can make it all the way through a run without stopping sometime soon. The last mile and a half was rough. Also it was really windy. Guess I better get used to that though because Cedar is always windy. It was nice to have it to my back on the way home though. I went 7:00-7:15 pace a few times. Granted they were downhill lol so that definitely helped me out :) 8:08 average. 

Felt good today considering. I was still tired but felt much improved from the past little while. Running has felt weird for a while, my form just hasn’t been quite right, or at least not the same as it had been when I was running with my team. But I think it was because I hadn’t run for a while and was just getting into the rhythm of it, and because I’ve been going slower? Idk. But today I went 50% pace for the last mile or so (7:15-7:45), and my stride felt smoother and I was back to the zone I usually get to in a distance run. I like running 50% pace because it actually gets my respiration rate up, but my legs are weak. I think more time running and maybe weights once I get back to Cedar will help me to hold it longer. Anyways, today it was windy again. I did VA loop, 7:52 average. My legs are a bit tired/sore from the last couple days, but I only stopped twice today! And one of those was just getting stuck at the stoplight I always get stopped at :) Improvement. 

I felt really good today! I wasn’t exhausted from the start like I have been for the past few weeks. Also, I got to stop taking Lithium today! Because I’ve finally been able to bump up to the higher dose of Lamigdal. Maybe that’s partly why I wasn’t super tired. And it’s been a week since my last ECT so I don’t have to be watched 24/7 anymore, and I can finally drive! Blessed. 

I did VA loop again, I was surprised at how much better I felt. At the 3 mile mark, with a mile left of the loop, I thought that felt like a short run. I felt like I could do more than that. Which is surprising because usually (for the past couple weeks) once I get to that point I have to try to motivate myself to work through the fatigue. But I wasn't super fatigued today. So I decided to do the 5 mile route instead and take Sunnyside back up to Foothill. I’ve always kinda not liked sunnyside because it’s all uphill, but a deceiving uphill that looks flat. I stopped once about halfway up, then finished the run. 7:53 average. A faster pace still feels a bit rough, but I think that strength will come back.

My knee has been feeling a little stiff and slightly painful at times for the past couple of days, so I thought maybe it’s time for new shoes. And the difference is astounding! I love new shoes. Also so crazy to see how worn my others are compared to this new pair. The bottoms are like almost completely smooth from wear. The new ones feel amazing! But felt weird to put on because the insides haven’t molded to the shape of my foot yet like my old ones haha

I went slower today so I could go longer. It’s been a long time since I’ve run 8 miles. I hope that by the end of the summer I can do 8-10 every day.

I did Wasatch loop to the zoo. My legs were hurting (because they’re not as strong as they used to be) especially on the uphills. I’m gonna be sore tomorrow. But I felt good. Running finally feels nice again. 

I didn’t catch the average pace for the whole run because I didn’t start my watch like I thought I had after getting stopped at a stoplight. Dang. But I averaged 8:06 for the first mile and a half and 8:08 for the last 4.65 so it’s a safe bet that the average was somewhere around there. I know it was 8 miles or really close to it because I’ve done this loop a lot. 

VA loop, 7:55 average. My legs were sore and tired. But I still tried to go faster. I’m a little frustrated that I can’t seem to go 50% pace and that it’s not a comfortable pace like it used to be. But I guess I just need to be patient as I get back in shape. 

Super stoked because a good amount of my team is staying in Cedar this summer so there will be a good group of us that can train together. That will make it a lot easier to get back in good shape :) and it’ll be nice to be able to access the training room and weight room as well, and to be able to talk to my coaches whenever I want :)

VA loop again. I was a bit tired from the start so I decided I’d run slow at a comfortable pace. My first two miles were around 8:10. Then I picked it up, not really meaning to. I just ran and didn’t worry about pace. After a little bit I knew I’d gradually picked it up and decided to go for it, remaining relaxed. My last two miles were 6:50 and 7:10. I think it was easier to go faster today because my legs weren’t as sore or tired as they were yesterday. Ended up averaging 7:35. 50% pace! I was really surprised. Turns out I still can go 50% pace when I feel good :)

Side note: I saw an advertisement for SUU on one of the city buses! I was surprised. I think SUU is becoming more well known or maybe getting bigger. I never saw advertisements like that during high school. I didn’t even know SUU existed until Coach Houle recruited Angie her senior track season, my junior year. She ran with my high school team that season. And even then, when she’d received a full-ride scholarship, I didn’t think I’d end up at SUU. Yet here we are! Haha. I love SUU. 

Wasatch loop. Decided to relax and go slow. It was super windy and overcast, it’s supposed to rain yet again. It’s been raining all week. I guess it’s good because we’re no longer in a drought, but the runoff from the snow in the mountains is much more than normal and can be dangerous. My mom and I were talking about it and she said a lot of people have fallen into the rivers while hiking or getting too close to the edge and drowned. She said a couple years back a little girl had fallen in and two adults jumped in to save her but all three drowned. A young woman had fallen in and her boyfriend jumped in to save her, she survived but he drowned. And many more. So sad. 

Anyways, today it was suuuper windy and seemed to come from all directions. 8:00 average. Just below my knee has been bugging a little, I’m not sure what it is. I don’t think it’s my IT band being tight because it’s lower than it would normally be, but I don’t have a foam roller up in slc so idk. I’ll just be careful. 

VA loop, 7:39 average. Felt good. I’m tired again today. My mom says too much sleep can make you sleepy, maybe that’s why I’m tired? Lol. Tomorrow I’ll set an alarm and try to reset my sleep schedule haha. It’s been all out of wack the last couple months. 

Shriner’s run, 7:56 average. Felt good, knee/side of knee/sortaback of knee was bugging at the end. Idk what’s up, but it hasn’t been too bad. It’s more of a bother than anything. I always worry about anything that feels off. But that’s just my anxiety talking haha. I’ll see if I can have someone check it out once I get back to Cedar (next weekend). Feel good about being able to go longer.

No running today to rest my knee. I think I’ll follow Coach’s injury prevention protocol, it’s not worth running through it because it seems to be getting worse. So two days off then gradually increase mileage for a couple days until at full mileage. 

My team has 5 individuals qualified for nationals!

Frank Harris III, high jump, 7’1”

Kacey Kenevelbaard, 1500m, 3:41.69

Angie Nickerson, 5000m, 15:48.08

George Espino, 800m, 1:48.39

Skyler Porcaro, javelin, 222’3”

My knee is still hurting. It was more painful going up stairs two at a time, oops. As for now I’m going to keep resting it then have one of the trainers check it out next week. I’m know I’m overly cautious, I just don’t want it to develop into something serious that takes me out for a good part of the summer. 

My knee was still kind of hurting, but it’s eased enough to where I felt comfortable running. I’d planned on going 3 but then decided to go the full loop. VA loop, 7:40 average. I felt really good, oh man I love running so much. Even 3 days off made me miss it. I was surprised because I expected to feel a bit out of breath or sluggish or something but I felt great. Felt like I hadn’t taken any time off, it was awesome. I love the rhythm of my feet hitting the ground, and today the sun decided to come out and (so far) stay out! Beautiful day. But then it could always turn around and give us a surprise thunderstorm like it did yesterday, one minute clear skies the next showering rain. Like literally, my dad and I went downstairs to carry a large/heavy box full of stuff we’re taking to the DI to his truck (from what we could see out our window it was clear skies) and once we got back upstairs it was pouring outside. Yaaaas Utah weather. On the bright side it was the cool sunshine rain for a minute instead of the Missouri rain an hour later haha

Turns out I have work during the allotted time for XC to go to the weight room. Boooo. I’ll talk to coach and see if I can go in later. I’m going back to Cedar tomorrow so on Monday I can get my knee checked out by the athletic trainers. Knee felt good until about the 3 mile mark, but it’s not too painful. Fine to run through. Now I feel like it’s close enough to when I can get it checked out that I don’t have to worry so much about it, and as long as the pain is manageable I can run on it.

Moving day. At midnight I’d finally finished getting all my stuff moved out of my old apartment and into my new one, got it all organized and got a second wind. I was about to go running cause why not then realized I had no food so I went grocery shopping instead lolol now it’s almost 1am and I’m tired so no running 

No knee pain woooo! Also stoked to not be living out of a duffle bag anymore